Friday Night on the Porch

I spent Friday night on the porch with a few 360 Albemarle residents and the neighbors discussing the early evening ruckus next door.

Seems the neighbor lady got tired of the painter's no-shows and fired him when he showed up after yet another four-day hiatus. Not only did Calvin, (the painter) object loudly, he proceeded to pour white paint over the new hardwood front porch and neighboring bushes. He then climbed a ladder and sang "church hymns" while wildly brushing white paint all over the recently painted pink--yes pink--siding. The neighbor's husband (Bruce) rushed home and there began a rip-roaring shouting match that drowned out my TV and FORCED me to head to our porch for a better view. Calvin then began screaming and threatened to "Never come down cause I have a con-ter-act!"

When the policeman arrived, hoping only to get Calvin to, "move off the property," Calvin announced that he had a "con-ter-act" and could not be trespassing. He finally moved down the ladder, all the while screaming that he would never come down, and as he did, sprinkled white paint all over the officer as if he were completing a holy benediction.

Needless to say, the policeman put Calvin in handcuffs, receiving a mouthful of paintbrush and a lovely new stripe down the front of his uniform for his trouble. Three other patrol cars arrived and the local constabulary could be seen arguing over who was going to take Calvin off to jail. Seems none of them was too keen on having their car interior redecorated, as by this time Calvin was a walking paint rag.

One of Calvin's employees then ran to Calvin's truck and pulled out a huge clean tarp and gave it to one of the cops. Calvin was then driven off into the sunset, still singing lustily. I'm assuming that the helpful employee will now be fired.

Well, that was good for a three-hour porch gathering with much righteous anger expressed. An hour or so in, Bruce finally climbed down off of his macho horse and agreed that it was a good thing that he didn't pull down the ladder when Calvin was still on it. There followed an in-depth discussion of Virginia's gun laws and property rights ordinances. I think Calvin is a lucky man as all the Virginians did agree that Bruce was well within his rights to have shot him.

I went to bed that night having been assured that I was safe in my home as long as Bruce and his neighbors were there to protect me.

Off to look at property. The search begins.