(Okay--they're rules, but 'policies' sounds so much nicer...)
Things You Probably Wanted to Ask:
In deference to the surgeon general and the cost of air fresheners, smoking is not allowed in the house.
You may smoke on the porch or in the gardens.
Well-behaved parents of children 10+ years of age are welcome to accompany their youngsters.
As cute and loveable as your pet may be, you will have to content yourself with adoring Loxi, my Lhasa Apso,
during your stay. She has hair, not fur, so she is basically hypoallergenic.
Sneezers and snifflers should be able to croon and cuddle away, but rely on your own good judgment
or ask your health care professional.
I accept cash, check or PayPal for payment. A deposit equal to one night's
stay is required to confirm your reservation. With less than 5 days notice,
there will be a cancellation charge equal to one night's stay. I am loveable
so, should I be able to re-engage your room, I will refund the full amount of
your deposit.
Standard check-in is between 3 p.m. and 7 p.m. I also understand the whacky airline schedules
here and I am willing to bend the rules if you give me a little notice. Did I mention that
I am available to provide transportation to and from?
On your last morning, checkout time is 11:00 a.m. After eleven, Loxi will
be dispatched to your room to herd you out.
Breakfast is served from 7:00 a.m. to 10:00 a.m. unless special arrangements
are made in advance. Coffee, tea and conversation for early risers are available
after 6:00 a.m. Prior to 6:00 a.m. I cannot guarantee the quality of any conversation.
Afternoon "tea" is served each day at 4:00 p.m. The location is determined
by the Weather Gods.
There is off-street parking in back of the house should the neighbors be
so inconsiderate as to fill all of the available on-street parking.
During Your Stay:
In addition to your room, please make yourself at home on the porch, in the
parlor, dining room, lounge or library. If a door has a glass knob it is a private
area of the home and should remain unexplored.
Please check with me before bringing any of your friends or relatives back
to the B&B for socializing. This is also a convenient excuse in order to escape
from them if desired.
The plumbing is old. Please use the trashcans to dispose of anything that
does not come off the clever, rolling device conveniently located adjacent to
each toilet.
If you enjoy the use of your hands and fingers please do not attempt to open
any of the windows in the house. The house has heating and air conditioning
and you should be quite comfy cozy without attempting to bring the outside inside.
If you hang your bath towel I will assume that you are an advocate of water
conservation and will act accordingly. Towels on the floor will be laundered
and replaced (after a call to your mother.)
The claw-foot bathtubs are very old and do not have overflow valves. Please
recall your physics lesson in "Water Displacement Theory" and fill the tubs
accordingly. If you can't recall the theory, you can find it at www.water_all_over_the_floor.aargh.
If you come in late at night, please be as quiet as possible when walking
on creaky, old, wooden floors. Other guests may not wish to share the rest of
your fabulous evening with you.
The front door is often locked. Remember to take your key whenever you go
out. Should you forget your key please refer to the note about calling your
mother.
I do so hope you enjoy your stay at Rose Hill. Any suggestions as to how
to improve the hospitality are gratefully received--after 6:00 a.m.
In Case of Fire:
Please yell "Fire!" loudly. Then exit quickly and carefully via the front
or back staircases. There is a flashlight in the top drawer of your bedside
table should the glow of the flames not give off sufficient light.